Newsletter #376 - ’Tis the Szn

Hey Shitcoiners,

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It’s the most wonderful time of the year… unless you’re heavily underwater, praying you won’t have to endure the snide comments of extended family at upcoming gatherings. At least now, we finally get it.

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The daily Christmas tree pattern delivers.

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You are meeting your 18-year old self. Save him from the pain.

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The normies are clocking off for the holidays and for once you are too. Are you checked out, anon?

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Liquidations aren’t just on perp DEXs, they can be seen all around you IRL.

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In exchange news this week, Coinbase has decided that it is time to branch out. You and your remaining tiny bags mean nothing to them, they must now attract a new type of user with capital. Enter the stonks trader.

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From one casino to another.

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Cobie spent his autumn answering your Coinbase support tickets. Unfortunately for him, there may be more tickets in his future.

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Just in case you missed it.

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To Trump next! Donald is messing with your bags and creating new connections we never knew were possible. Was crypto not supposed to be a hedge against the system? Etherium is the new aluminum.

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That’s our guy!

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But wait, that really is our guy?

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The Trump administration has not cleaned up the Libra disaster yet. Time will tell if this insider list is real.

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Speaking of jail time, Caroline is gradually making her way into the free world. Her former co-workers are not faring so well.

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Should CZ make the ultimate sacrifice for our bags? Likely not.

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Machi Big Brother has been a regular feature in this newsletter. Every week, we seem to learn about another liquidation. He’s down tens of millions, but you have to respect the levels of degeneracy we see on his Hyperliquid account.

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If you were wondering what the backstory is, here you go.

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If this is all getting too much for you, remember the gains we’ve had so far. Now is not the time to be the guy who didn’t HODL.

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You can be disliked, you can be wrong and you can be rugged with a 9-month cliff. But you are going to be okay.

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See you next week.

Team Shitcoin.com