Newsletter #349 – Middle East vs. Your Bags

Hey Shitcoiners,

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Sometimes all it takes is a little Middle Eastern tension to temporarily nuke your bags. Happy Friday.

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Gainzy is the closest thing CT has to a frontline correspondent for this. He was first to sound the alarm.

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Multiples were observed.

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But hey, there is always a solution to geopolitical instability! Hyperliquid.

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The audacity we are seeing is unprecedented.

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A quick reminder (more on Ethereum later) that it could always be worse. RIP.

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Rumours started to circulate that these latest strikes had one purpose.

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Liquidated! Again.

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Welcome to hell.

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This is no time to panic. Those with long enough time horizons know exactly where we’re heading. Don’t be sidelined.

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If you are finding yourself in a tough spot, Intern has a surefire way for you to get back on track. He doesn’t have any mental health problems. He is jacked and rich.

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There are infinite ways to make (and lose) money in this market. Word on the street is that being quick to press the buttons on the Plasma token sale could lead to capital growth. The whales did not mess around when deposits opened.

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Some were doing everything they could to get in.

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The demand was so high that they doubled the deposit cap! That was filled in 30 minutes. Gg.

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While some hoped to farm a future airdrop on Plasma, others were farming likes from Ethereum-loving bots. The strategy is simple: post Vitalik. Get likes.

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Vitalik doesn’t concern himself with bots or pumping your Ethereum bags these days. He’s busy replying on the timeline and “rescaling” compliments. Bearish.

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We are also bearish on Ethereum Foundation drama.

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Those shoulders may never be shaved.

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You can be an Ethereum bagholder or you can hold positions you shouldn’t be in on Hyperliquid. Both are likely to have a horrible outcome. RIP Andrew Tate.

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Bitcoin perps are not for the faint-hearted. Neither is holding a kilogram of gold in you rectum. Buttcoin.

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Peter Schiff was also uncomfortable this week with his latest Schiffposting. Ouch.

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While Schiff works hard hiding replies, Saylor is continuing to bullpost. NEW PARADIGM.

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Unfortunately for us, not all of his content is what we want. We can’t wait to not listen to any of this. More giga-chad bull posting please, Michael.

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We didn’t watch it. Pretty sure it was all waffle and buzzwords. Just like this next post. We have no idea what you’re saying.

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In other Bitcoin-related news, it appeared briefly that the Paraguay presidential account was going to pump our bags. Alas, it was fake.

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In other bad actor news, the Bitrue hacker is turning out to be a professional in the trading arena.

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This next shitcoin “dev” will not be building up a fortune through trading. He’s cashing out, leaving the short king life behind.

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Adding inches to your limbs or to your waistline. The CMS Dev Intern is doing the latter. The rice has defeated him.

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In other wholesome content, Chun has been on an adventure to several national parks. The S-tier travel schedule continues.

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We round this one off with an important message. Wake up sheeple.

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That's all for this week!

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Team Shitcoin.com