April 8, 2023

Newsletter #236 - One Step Closer To Up Only

Yo Shitcoiners,

What happens in one week in this industry takes years in others. We have an endless amount of spicy news and commentary to get through. Before that, remember to check out the latest episode of Wage Cucking With Jmo. This week he was joined by David Cai of Kronos Ventures!

We have had a lot thrown at us lately. It’s been pretty rough. Surely it’s almost over?

With up only hopefully just around the corner, there was no better time to discover that the Bitcoin whitepaper was hidden in MacOS. Let’s onboard some normies (if they can find it).

MicroStrategy has been busy levering up and buying every Bitcoin they can.

Good ol’ Justin Sun did his best to get higher up the leaderboard, offering to snap up 41,500 owned by the US government. Does anyone ever take these deals Justin offers?

The only way to achieve chad status is by being long and strong. We think in the Chad vs Virgin meme, Taleb sits firmly on the virgin side.

Do you remember when Elon said he’d change the Twitter logo to a Doge? Well, that happened.

And it caused quite a stir. The price skyrocketed, allowing whales to conveniently sell.

Doge holders were ecstatic, but they were swiftly brought back down to earth.

In this next section of the newsletter, we have rugs of all shapes and sizes. We would have never guessed BNB Chain was dominating the rug market!

Arbitrum DAO participants were also rugged this week. Supposedly it’s okay to sell tokens without a vote now. Oops.

Do you enjoy governance theatre, anon?

It could be worse, at least that Arbitrum money is being spent on more decentralization theatre. Unlike this next $20M which is probably be spent on hookers and blow.

Here’s a reminder that your favorite influencers might not have your interests at heart. Gainzy will shill to you. Then he will dump on you.

In other spicy influencer news, Cobie tweeted a hash that alluded to an Interpol Red Notice.

Although only a rumour, it caused the market to temporarily shit its pants.

It even caused heart attacks!

CZ, as expected, was not impressed.

CZ, smash!

We don’t think CZ will be a guest on Up Only if they decide to start recording again…

In other exchange news, controversial claims exchange OPNX launched.

However, volume from day one wasn’t looking so spicy…

Ffs CoinDesk.

Mark Lamb, one of the founders of OPNX has been at the center of a heated legal battle with Roger Ver. He took to Twitter with “a pathway to wholeness”.

Bankruptcy claims exchanges such as OPNX could save some of you in the future. Those FTX losses still hurt.

It could always be worse. You could be the guy that bid for lunch with SBF.

Never forget.

Let’s be real, those of you (un)lucky enough to get some of those FTX condoms were never going to use them anyway. In fact, it’s in your interest to collect as many as you can as evidence that you qualify for the next round of stimulus checks.

With a bit of a longer streak, this guy could be a prime candidate for the stimmy.

Cousin Crypto strikes us as a man who has touched a woman before.

Dentacoin holders however…

That's all for this week. Follow Andreas on Twitter and stay up to date with us @Shitcoindotcom too. See you next time.

Team Shitcoin.com